Chief Executive Dad's Club

LADIES....Is your husband married to YOU or his JOB?!

2005-06-23T18:30:00.000-07:00

You probably remember your wedding day.....all the fanfare, fairy-tale details, fun and joy. You dreamt of the perfect life-your husband pulling into the driveway at 5:15 after a full day of work ready to sit down for family dinner and spend the rest of the evening playing with the kids. Then you get home from your honeymoon and get smacked upside the head by a different version of your dream as your reality.

"Oh don't worry, honey. Once we're married, I'll slow down at work." he told you when you got engaged. "Oh, don't worry honey. Once we have kids, I'll slow down at work.-I promise" he echoed three years later when you decided to start a family.

So there you sit with your three children. Waiting. Wondering. Will it be another night with just you, the kids and an empty placemat at the dinner table? "Mom, when's dad going to be home?" your kids ask with a lonely, longing whine. "He'll be home soon, honey. Eat your mac-n-cheese," you reply with a forced tone of truthfulness and a fake smile.

There is an epidemic of sorts occurring in our society. Too many women and children are becoming "corporate widows and corporate orphans." They spend their days and nights longing for their husband/father whose conquer-the-world ego won't let him stop his quest to sell more, see more patients or close his next big deal.

If you're in a situation where you feel lost, alone or ignored; you're likely not as alone as you feel. Tens of thousands of wives, mothers and kids are in the same boat-living in a family with a father who's little more than a provider of material.

It's time to put the family first. This BLOG is dedicated to helping your husband or your dad have both an enviable successful career AND a grounded involved family life. Read on-comment and spread the word.

Read About a Great Trend in US's TOP Business School

2005-06-23T18:28:00.000-07:00

Business schools advise students: Get a life - Business - International Herald Tribune

Interesting Research on Working Fathers

2005-05-16T18:15:00.000-07:00

CareerJournal | Career-Minded Fathers Still Play a Vital Role

For Traveling Dad's

2005-05-16T03:39:00.000-07:00

If you have a job that requires you to travel, I'd suggest you take a very hard look at what you're doing. You're likely caught in what feels like an inescapable dilemma-You MUST travel for your job to maintain your results and income and provide for your family. You probably don't realize what those days away mean to your spouse and to your kids.

If you travel, consider this:

1-Take a day off for every day you travel.
2-Use VIRTUAL meeting tools whenever possible. There is too much technology available to not consider this an option.
3-Tell your boss you're going to reduce your travel time to be with your family more and work on the plan to continue your effectiveness without traveling.

Most guys I speak with who travel say, "Oh, it's just for a couple of years. I won't do it forever." Yeah, right. Once those days are gone, they're gone. Act on it now. You, your spouse and your kids will be better off with you home than with you sitting in room 1218 at the Dallas/Ft. Worth Marriott.

Who's Problem is Work LIfe Balance? Should the boss help create work/life equilibrium or is it the employees problem?

2005-04-29T06:01:00.000-07:00

Herald.com | 04/27/2005 | Should the boss help create work/life equilibrium?

Strategy #26: Drive Around the Block

2005-04-28T18:21:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've been there.... Rushing out of the office-cell phone glued to your ear returning one last phone call. You run two red lights and forget to turn into your driveway as your number one customer gives you an ear-full because his last shipment was late. You hit the "end" button on the phone just as you open the door and you hear that unmistakable welcome home mantra-"DAD!!!!" Suddenly the sound of six miniature Fred Flinstone feet come barreling around the corner. Your three kids simultaneously leap into your arms and pull at your legs. So what's the problem? The problem is-YOU'RE MENTALLY STILL ON THE PHONE TRYING TO SAVE YOUR BEST CUSTOMER. As easy as we pretend it is, we guys have a tough time shutting down. Sometimes it takes hours before the adrenaline of the day finally wears off-and by then we've already missed the one-on-one time with our family.

Try this next week: Drive around the block. Take a few extra turns on the way home. Get everything mentally out of your head and decompress in the car. Once you feel like you're ready to be 100% dad, head for home. You'll find your time at home is much more relaxing and engaging. Your kids and spouse will notice too-I guarantee it. Drive around the block. Sounds too simple, but it's the simplest things that have the greatest impact.

One for the Ladies

2005-04-26T18:21:00.000-07:00

TOM WALSH: Linamar's CEO has life in balance

Buy Life Long Season Tix To Your Kid's Events

2005-03-23T03:01:00.000-08:00

My parents got divorced when I was nine. My mom took my brother and me from Indianapolis back to Evansville, Indiana, to be near her family. She had a job as a secretary, no money, and two kids of the ages nine and six. She was paid by the hour.

I tried out for the sixth- grade basketball team when I was in fourth grade. Now, it seemed like the chances of a fourth grader making the sixth- grade basketball team at Stockwell Elementary School were even smaller than the Cubs’ chances of winning the World Series, but I made it! I couldn’t wait to tell my mom. She seemed even happier about it than I did, and believe me, I was grinning from ear to ear. My games were at 3:30 p.m. on weekdays. My mom’s job called for her to stay at work until 5:00 p.m. As a nine- year- old, I didn’t understand how leaving work early might affect her job security. All I knew was that I was on the sixth- grade basketball team!

Before our first game, I was terrified. I talked my mom into letting me buy some canvas high-tops with a baby blue colored "swoosh" on the side from a cool new shoe company named Nike. (it was 1979.). She obliged, even though we didn’t have the money. The shoes made me feel a step or two quicker, but they didn’t do much to calm my nerves. I had never played basketball in front of people before. I also had never played in front of my mom.

The day of our first real game, I walked down to the locker room after my last class and changed into my uniform. My hands trembled as I tightly laced up and re-laced my new Nikes three or four times. Our coach, Mr. Wilhelm, gave us final instructions. “Just relax and have fun, boys,"” he said. It was time to take the court in the first real organized basketball game of my life. We lined up in the hallway as we had practiced the night before. The warm- up routine ran over and over in my head: buddy bounce passes, three- man weave, zig zag defense, free shooting and free throws.

When coach gave us the nod, our team came running out of the hallway onto the court. My stomach was doing flips. I saw dozens of people, smelled the freshly popped popcorn, and heard the sounds of multiple basketballs striking the floor like bass drums. The moment I stepped foot onto the court, all of those impressions stilled for a moment. I was dumbfounded. All I could do was look around to find my mom. I forgot about buddy bounce passes and the three- man weave. I needed to find my mom. I had to have an eye on her. I frantically scoured the stands with my eyes. I looked up and down one side and saw nothing. Eventually, I looked across the gym and found her sitting in the second row, staring proudly at me with a huge smile on her face. I breathed a sigh of relief to myself. Being the laser-focused, nine-year-old hoops stud that I was, I couldn’t smile back. She knew this and didn’t take it personally. But inside, having her there was the most comforting feeling in the world for me. Mickey Mouse, President Carter, and Mister Rogers could have been sitting right next to her, and I wouldn’t have paid a bit of attention to them. I was just so incredibly happy to see my mom’s comforting smile and her undivided attention.

I didn’t realize then the sacrifice she had to make to come to my games. I’m sure she never realized how much it meant to me. As the sole breadwinner for herself and two kids, her job was very important. Yet somehow she knew that being at my basketball game at 3:30 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon transcended the importance of any job she could ever have. As a fourth grader on the sixth- grade team, I rarely stepped foot on the court. Still, my mom never missed a game--—home or away. I continued my involvement in athletics through high school earning five varsity letters in three sports. And my mom continued to be my most dependable fan throughout. It didn’t matter when or where the game was--she was there.

I know beating the slave-to-work ethos at the office is hard. But it’s the same as leaving on time. If you show that you have your work under control, and if you are manageing your time well, you’ll be able to exert more control over your schedule—and make it to your kid’s basketball game or Thanksgiving Day Pageant. Remember, your boss and your co-workers are often family people too. Do they really want you to miss out on your kid’s class play so that you can finish the monthly budget an hour and a half early? If so, then the whole office could use a priority check--—and maybe you’re the right person to bring the subject into focus.

I understand now the sacrifices my mom made to come to my events. Meetings, projects, business trips, and so on, all seem very important in the present moment, but you won’t remember any of these a year from now. You will, however, remember watching your kid at bat for the first time. You will remember your kid, dressed up as a pea, proudly representing one of the four food groups in the second- grade play. You will remember the class picnic you attended with your kid, which let you finally put a names to the faces of the his friends he’s talked about, and allowed you to now understand what he means when he talks about his teacher that looks like Mrs. Doubtfire. All of these memories of your kid’s day-to-day reality will be with you forever. And you can probably remember from your own childhood how important a parent’s involvement is from a kid’s perspective.

Sometimes I’ll go to watch at Little League baseball games and I’ll see a “busy” dad on his cell phone while his kid is in the game. I’m sure in the dad’s mind he doesn’t think the kid neither notices, knows nor cares. On the contrary, be assured that his kid (and your kid, in a like situation) probably both does know and care--—very much. Be your child’s biggest fan. Be there early. Cheer loudly. Watch them the whole time. Buy life-long season tickets to your kid’s events. You are building great memories on both ends and are teaching your child that they he or she is significant to you and to the world.

TO DO: Find out all of your kids’ extracurricular events that are scheduled in the next six months. Clear your calendar (travel included) so that you can attend every one of them.

An Example of a Company That Has Figured It Out!-Way to go Tim Jenkins

2005-03-16T02:49:00.000-08:00

The Seattle Times: Business & Technology: Work here and get a life

Daddies: A Side of Work/Life Balance We Don't Hear Much About -- The Workforce Stability Institute

2005-03-15T02:27:00.000-08:00

Daddies: A Side of Work/Life Balance We Don't Hear Much About -- The Workforce Stability Institute

Don't Confuse Your Role of Provider With Your Role as Dad

2005-03-14T02:22:00.000-08:00

I’ve heard it. I’ve said it. You’ve heard it. You’ve said it. “I have to provide for my family. That’s what I’m supposed to do.” You have yourself convinced that your ability to excel at work is really the most important gift you can give to your family, right? If so, it’s time to change your thinking. Give yourself some credit here. You are more than a meal ticket. You are more than a mortgage payment. You are more than a college fund. You are also a person and, a very important one in from your family’s lifestandpoint, a priceless one. One of the our problems that we as guys have is that we is our tendency to think of ourselves more in terms of what we do than who we are. But when it comes to oOur children, however, they want nothing more (or less) than to just revel in our presence. They don’t care ifwhether we earn six figures with stock options; they like the way our eyebrows crinkle up when we try to think of a knock-knock joke. Being a good dad requires that we start thinking of ourselves as people rather than solely as providers.

I remember the day my wife told me she was pregnant with our first child. We weren’t “trying” to get pregnant. But you now how nature sometimes takes the course nature wants to take. It was September of 2001. and I was officiating a small college football game in Ohio. After the game, I got sat in the my car and received picked up a message left by my wife on my cell phone.: It was my wife. Her message was simple, but serious, “Come straight home please.” At first I thought this meant she’d be waiting for me naked with a ribbon around her neck when I got home! Well, maybe not. When I finally did get home and saw her faceknowing smile, I could tell immediately. She gave me a knowing smile and I asked the question, “Are you pregnant?” I asked. She shrugged her shoulders and started to happy-cry. I joined her for a half hour or so. Then the thoughts began to come. I guess the pre-historic part of my brain started to take controlover my thoughts:. “Ughhh… How we afford baby? Baby cost much money. Ughhh...”

Like many men, I had our life planned out through my funeral. Everything was to happen at the precise second I had planned--—especially the pregnancy part. I worked in a high- commission job, and our plan was to have for my wife to stay home with our children. I immediately began to think of strategies to supplement my income. “Okay, I’ll get a second job. We’ll sell the house. We’ll stop eating. I’ll sit at a freeway on-ramp with a sign: ‘Pregnant Wife: Please Help.’”

My thoughts of money at a time like this were not actually signs that I was unable to relate emotionally to my wife. No, my reaction was God-given and biological. I was simply feeling my provider instinct kick in. I was hearing the call to come out of my cave, club an animal over the head, and drag it back to the family.

This instinct happens to serve us very well. I do need to go out into the world and collect a paycheck and buy the Osh Kosh overalls and the diapers. But, my role has also advanced a little since the caveman days. I need to wrestle with my provider instinct and get it in line with some of the other ways of being human that are available to me through the miracles of human progress and civilization. The guy with the club is not the father I want to be. So, our job is to manage that provider instinct and not let it take over our lives. It’s That’s a tough job. It’s biological to oObsessing over the monetary aspect of parenthood is a biological instinct,. and Ddismissing that instinct is kind of like reading “Playboy” for the articles. It’s just not natural.

So, we have to continually work on this one. We have to listen to all that this instinct tells us to do. It tells us to work late, think obsessively about money, and to get upset with our wives when they buy three pairs of hundred- dollar black shoes that look exactly the same to us. It tells us to take our children’s six- month pictures at home to save the $150 sitting fee at the photography studio. In short, the provider instinct has the tendsency to cause us needless stress. And stress is the number one killer of a happy family life.

TO DO: Take a blank piece of paper and write down what about being a provider stresses you out the most. Write down where you feel your family spends the most money. Write down what makes you angry about how your family spends money. Take the paper to a safe place and set it on fire.

Balancing Work and Family Life. ERIC Digest

2005-03-08T17:29:00.000-08:00

Balancing Work and Family Life. ERIC Digest

Get the Heck Out of the Office

2005-02-24T17:47:00.000-08:00

It still boggles me why men are rewarded for "working hard." It seems the man's badge of respect is best earned by eating lunch at one's desk and staying in the office later than the second shift cleaning detail. By the time the guy gets home, he has thirty minutes to spend with his kids before passing out on the couch in the middle of listening to his wife tell him about her day. (not a good thing).

I vote for a new way of thinking. I vote men start to go home at 4:30 everyday. Imagine a world where business stopped at 4:30. Projects that "had to be done" could suddenly wait until tomorrow. We'd get home in time to go on a family walk, eat dinner together and play board games for two hours. We'd be more relaxed, although we think we'd be more stressed. We'd still get the work done, although we wouldn't think we could. We'd still be successful, although we'd assume we'd get passed over for a promotion or lose a big account.

In the end all we have is our faith and our family. That's what we start with and that's what we end with. Why not enjoy them now.

I challenge you beginning tomorrow to leave work at 4:30. Plan on it and you'll make it work-I guarantee it.

B

Recovering from Workaholism

2005-02-20T18:26:00.000-08:00

Recovering from Workaholism

Article Worth Reading on Work/Family Demands

2005-02-20T18:24:00.000-08:00

Fathering: The interweave of fathers' daily work experiences and fathering behaviors

Supporting Mamma is Part of the Equation

2005-02-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

This morning before I left for work, it became boldly apparent that my wonderful wife felt unsupported by her numb-skull husband-me. It seems through the course of writing a book, consulting with clients and refereeing Division I football, I had forgotten to focus on the pillar of our family-my wife. While I keep a good balance between all of my endeavors and my family-the "family" part typically focuses on my kids. I want to be there for them when they wake up and when they go to bed. I want them to see me at lunch time. I want to sit down with them at dinner every night. But in all the chaos, I forgot about the other "adult" in the house. The amount of work that she does and did at home, at our church, in our community and with her friends had gone un-praised, unnoticed and ignored by her so-called husband. Instead, my tendency turned toward helping her manage her chaos so she didn't feel so overwhelmed. Check this one out, ladies:

She (my wife): "It's so hard for me to get the kids ready to go to the YMCA, straighten the house and come back to prepare lunch."

My (so-called husband): "It's not that hard. Just make them pick stuff up before you leave."

Umpire: STRIKE THREE--------YOU'RE OUT!!!!!!

I missed it completely. What my wife wants (just ask Dr. John Gray) is for me to empathize with her and validate her feelings. What my bite sized caveman mind wants to do is FIX HER!...ME STUD-FIX WIFE...UGHH UGHH....(maybe I'll start dragging her around by her hair too...)

Guys, take this advice when you're looking for better balance between work and family: KEEP MAMMA HAPPY. WHEN MAMMA'S HAPPY-EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.

I challenge you to have a Fierce Conversation with your spouse about this. I bet you're missing more than you think. Bye for now.

Daddy Types, the weblog for new dads

2005-02-15T17:15:00.000-08:00

Daddy Types, the weblog for new dads

Check Out My Newest Link: Way to Go Glenn! Nice Work...

2005-02-15T17:06:00.000-08:00

FREE Online Dad Magazine interactive DAD Fathering Magazine Magazine for Dads New Dads Expectant Dads

Fast Company | Balance is Bunk!-An Opposing Viewpoint to My BLOG

2005-02-13T18:46:00.000-08:00

Fast Company | Balance is Bunk!

The Worst Reason to Retire

2005-02-13T18:32:00.001-08:00

I'm sure you've heard it before. "_______ (fill in the name) has decided to step down to spend more time with his family." Guest what, _________(fill in the name again). TOO LATE. It still amazes me how many men who spend twenty or thirty years climbing the ladder, spending week's away from their families end up resigning with the desire to backfill the family relationships that they missed on the way up. Doesn't it seem more appropriate to delay the inevitable ego-driven rise to career success while our kids need us around the most? It's possible to do them together. One must use his creativity and focused energy to create a life grounded by family but blessed by the success of a fulfilling and rewarding career. I can't wait to tell my kids at their college graduation that I'm going to take some time off from them to focus on my career. At that point, I figure they'll be tired of my anyway.

Maybe there is no balance in the work-family juggle - theage.com.au

2005-02-13T18:32:00.000-08:00

Maybe there is no balance in the work-family juggle - theage.com.au

Centrecare - About Centrecare

2005-02-13T18:29:00.000-08:00

Centrecare - About Centrecare

SELECTED: Balancing Fatherhood, work and your Family Pregnancy

2005-02-13T18:26:00.000-08:00

SELECTED: Balancing Fatherhood, work and your Family Pregnancy

Fathers Want Work-Family Balance, Too

2005-02-13T18:23:00.000-08:00

Fathers Want Work-Family Balance, Too

Good Article

2005-02-13T18:14:00.000-08:00

A great article about father's desire to have better balance at home

2005-02-13T17:54:00.000-08:00

Working dads seek balanced life
Although moms often get the press, more fathers are doing the job-kids juggling act for love of family

Tips for working fathers Tips for dads looking for work/life balance:•
Don't feel guilty for needing time to yourself.
Work out.
Get in a round of golf.
Watch a football game.•
Recognize you can't do it all.•
Realize your value as an employee and a parent.
You can ask for some perks, too, like flex time or telecommuting.•
Remember, the company won't fall apart if you put off some work until tomorrow.•
Prioritize and set goals. (Examples: Try not to take work home on the weekends. Eat dinner every night with the family.)•
Ask to be connected to the office at home. If you need to do work after hours, at least you're still at home.•
Plan some alone time each week with the children.

Sources: Best Life magazine; Star research
Family matters

Spending time with family is an important concern for working men.

Father’s time spent with kids daily:• 1997: 1.8 hours• 2002: 2.7 hours College-educated men wanting to move into jobs with more responsibility:• 1997: 68%• 2002: 52%

Would you take a pay cut if you were guaranteed to leave work by 5 p.m. every night?• Yes: 46%• No: 54%

What men say is essential to living a balanced life:
Spending time with family84%
Time for hobbies38%
Home in time for dinner with family37%
Time for religion34%
Having more disposable income 30%
Spending time with friends28%
Time for exercise26%
Time for mentoring or volunteering11%

If presented with an extra hour each day, most men would:
Spend time with family 38%
Do household chores15%
Pursue a hobby11%
Exercise or play sports11%
Have sex8%
Sleep4%
Read3%
Catch up with friends 3%
Watch TV or use on the computer 2%
Volunteer 1%

Note: Multiple responses were allowed.Sources: Families and Work Institutes' Generation & Gender in the Workplace; Best Life poll of 500 men on men and balance, a telephone survey of 500 men in August 2004 (respondents were ages 25 to 59 employed full time with household incomes of $50,000 or more, married, living with a partner or separated/divorced/widowed with kids living in the house).

By Dana Knight
dana.knight@indystar.com
January 9, 2005

Gonzalo Hernandez works long, pressure-packed days at the Mexican restaurant he manages.
Then he rushes off to pick up his 8-year-old daughter, Lexes, from her after-school program.
He rocks 2-month-old Adair. Cleans up the dinner table. Helps with homework. Plays games, and then gets 4-year-old Allan and 2-year-old Lindsay ready for bed.
As a working dad, that perfect work/life balance often eludes him.
"Sometimes, it gets a little tough when the kids get sick or there are extra things to do," said Hernandez, 27, manager of Qdoba Mexican Grill Downtown. "If I had more time, I would definitely spend it with my wife and kids."
Often forgotten in the plethora of research and self-help resources for working moms are the men who shoulder just as much of the family-plus-career responsibility.
Like their female counterparts, they are desperate to find a way to juggle it all.
Dads today spend 50 percent more time with their children -- 2.7 hours a day -- than they did 25 years ago, but they are working just as much, according to a 2004 study by the Families and Work Institute.
When asked the No. 1 element essential to a balanced life, 84 percent of men said it is spending time with family, according to a Best Life magazine poll.
And in a surprising workplace survey by the Society for Human Resource Management in 2004, men ranked the need to balance work and home life higher than their female colleagues.
"Men don't want to be stick figures in their kids' lives," said Jeff Csatari, executive editor of Best Life magazine. "They want to be very involved in their kids' lives, far more than their fathers were. All of this is adding to the time crunch burden."
Time to do all that's needed with work and family often is a seemingly unreachable goal.
"I'm not always satisfied with how I'm doing either one," said Max Beasley, a social studies teacher at Arlington High School and father of two sons, Chris, 17, and Jarrett, 9. "I feel like I am doing the best I can. I figure we try to learn and grow and leave it at that."
Beasley, who lives in Mooresville, likes the flexibility a teacher's schedule allows him, so he can pick Jarrett up from school.
He starts his day in the classroom at 5:30 a.m. so he can leave when school lets out at 2:45 p.m.
But if he had an extra hour in his day, Beasley said how he would spend it is clear.
"With my family, my kids," he said.
Most men agree with Beasley. The Best Life survey asked men what they would do if they had that extra hour. The No. 1 answer was to be with family and kids, 38 percent, while the second-most-popular answer, 15 percent, was doing household chores.
"Clearly, I'd spend that hour at home with my kids and family," said Chris Felts, a 36-year-old attorney with Barnes & Thornburg in Indianapolis. "There's no way I would do anything else."
Felts, the father of 3-year-old twins Patrick and Madeline and 3-month-old Jacqueline, has concocted his own balance.
While the kids are asleep in the mornings, he works out. Then he goes to the office early so he can be home when the kids are awake.
He and his wife, Paje, also an attorney, try their best to have family dinners together every night.
Felts attributes his success at being an involved father to an understanding work environment.
"Our firm is good about being flexible," he said. "My hunch is that other firms and corporations are doing the same. And if they're not, they should be."
Dad-friendly employers
Father-friendly has taken on a new meaning. It's not just about paternity leave after the birth of a child, according to James Levine, director of The Fatherhood Project, at the Families and Work Institute in New York City.
Major corporations are expanding their support to fathers, like IBM Corp., which offers free compact discs and tips sheets on topics such as becoming a dad and what infants need from fathers. Ernst & Young has regular "dad group" meetings.
Barnes & Thornburg has upgraded its systems so that dads can access work-related materials at home. The firm also has equipped workers with laptops and other technology so they can build their careers around their lives.
"Clearly we try to be flexible," said Bob Grand, managing partner of the Indianapolis office, with more than 300 employees. "We realize how important it is. Whether you're a senior partner or a younger partner, most of us have had children."
In addition to the work connections, Grand said the firm allows its employees to take time off for doctor appointments or school events.
Eli Lilly and Co., often lauded for its efforts to accommodate working mothers, offers just as much to its fathers, like flexible work arrangements, including flextime, flex weeks, part-time hours, job sharing and telecommuting, as well as paid leave for new fathers.
Another employer who understands the need for a work-life balance is Greg Willman, co-owner of Qdoba restaurants.
The 42-year-old is a father of a two-year-old boy and twin boys born last month.
"I really have tried to manage my schedule a little more differently so I can be available," said Willman, who drops his 2-year-old off at preschool and picks him up each day. "I probably have a heightened understanding that those needs exist, and we try to accommodate it as best we can."
Willman will assign employees to stores that are close to their children's schools and work around doctor appointments and sick kids.
Society is slowly but surely beginning to accept that the role of the father isn't just about working and bringing in money but being nurturing and caring and spending quality time with the kids.
"If men work too much, they are going to forget about other sorts of things, like family," said Richard McGowan, a lecturer in business ethics and applied philosophy at Butler University. "When your life is out of balance, it doesn't roll properly."
Media reports and Hollywood movies that focus on women's needs as mothers don't make it easy for dads to ask for those family-related perks at work, McGowan said.
"If a man were to take a leave of absence for the kids, it kills a career," he said. "For women who do, that's expected."
Mr. Mom
But more dads are taking on the part-time, stay-at-home, work-from-home roles.
The number of stay-at-home dads has increased by more than 20,000 in the past decade, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. There are 105,000 stay-at-home dads with children under 15, according to 2002 figures. It's a fraction of the more than 5 million mothers who stay at home, but growing nonetheless.
Other fathers are keeping their full-time jobs and working around their children.
Like Steve Hanson, 36, a salesman whose office is in his home.
When Hanson has to travel, he sometimes schedules appointments around 11-month-old Brooke.
He might wait for her 9 a.m. nap -- and work while she sleeps -- then take her to day care, rather than having her go at 7 a.m. with his wife, Jennifer.
And some days, when he is not traveling, he closes the door to his office with Brooke and lets her play in papers and books while he checks e-mails and makes contacts.
"She's pretty good at playing, and I can actually take phone calls in the office," he said. "I know she's still with me, and that's nice."

There is ALWAYS Enough Time

2005-02-10T07:29:00.000-08:00

What do you, Oprah, Tiger Woods, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet all have the same amount of? Money? Likely not. The answer is time. Time is the measurement used to track one full rotation of the Earth on its axis. It's also the grandest most common excuse we have to defend why we can't do something. "I would be able to be with my children more if I had more time." "My sales would go up if I had more time." "I don't have time to help you with your homework, son-I have work to do."

Anyone who says that time is keeping them from a better result is admitting defeat prematurely. You're giving up. You're hiding in the sand. You're discounting your intelligence and potential to a sinful level. There is ALWAYS enough time. But only the best of best know how to use that time to create the exact outcome they desire.

If you're feeling torn or compelled to spend less time at work and more time with your family-relax. There is a solution. The trick is to ask yourself, "I wonder how I could spend more time with my family and still get the same results I want from my career?"

We men are great problem solvers. (Just ask our wives. It's all we do when all they need is an ear to listen.) So, look at this as a challenge. A problem.

There's a great scene in the movie Apollo 13 where the engineers at NASA were given the task of building an air scrubber to save the astronauts from suffocating on their own carbon dioxide discharge. The engineers took one of everything that was in the capsule, threw it on a table and said, "Build an air scrubber." There was duct tape, socks, pencils, filters, all sorts of random material not commonly used to build air scrubbers. After hours of thinking, drawing and testing, they in fact built an air scrubber out of virtually nothing. The result was the safe return of the Apollo 13 astronauts.

If you want to spend more time with your family-or your wife wants you to spend more time with your family-think of the possibilities. You'll be amazed at what you can create from nothing. Just ask the guys on Apollo 13.

Beyond Work Life Balance

2005-02-07T17:34:00.000-08:00

Fathers tell me all the time that they wish they could find a better "balance" between work and their family. That whole concept to me is a bit backwards in itself. Balance implies equal or the same when used in this context. If one has balance between his work and his family, one could surmise that he is spending equal in each. Most fathers, though, feel they are out of balance and usually it's work that's winning the war for their time. So what is a man to do? The all too obvious answer-just work less-flies in the face of what it means to be a man. Being a man-especially a father-means providing for our family. The more I watch myself and others, the more I believe I should do a documentary on Animal Planet. We're nothing more than animals. Creatures. We behave frighteningly similarly to eagles, rodents and other less evolved creatures. We "go out" to gather for our family. Our hunting ground is our office or our workplace. Our food is a decent sized direct deposit into our checking account every two weeks. Because of this paternalistic drive, working less to achieve balance just doesn't seem to be a valuable option. After all, if it were, we wouldn't have the problem in the first place.

I believe there is a different way to look at it. Instead of cutting one or the other to achieve work/family balance, a man should look for ways to improve his performance in each. Men are hard wired to perform, to achieve and to feed our shallow egos with self fulfilling accomplishments. So why not use that fuel to create a better outcome at work and at home?

Try these ideas on for size and see what happens:

1-Leave work at 5:00 every day to get home for dinner. Put your brain into problem solving mode by asking: "How can I leave work at 5:00 and still achieve what I want to achieve at work?"

2-Come home for lunch three days per week or meet your kids at their school. You will enjoy the break. Your kids will "usually" put you in a good mood and they will think it's the COOLEST thing ever.

3-cleanse your to do list at work. "If I only had more time...." Here's a question, what do Bill Gates, Oprah, Bill Belichick and Tiger Woods all have the same amount of?" Not money. Not investments. Not championships. They all have the same amount of time. It's NEVER about time when it comes to work/family balance. It's about skill. Cleanse your to do list to focus on only the 20 percent of activities that will produce 80 percent of your results.

What is the Chief Executive Dad's Club?

2005-01-27T02:32:00.000-08:00

If you're a father who's also committed to a high level of success in his career-you found it. You know that feeling of angst you get, don't you? You know that longing feeling for the family when you're working late. Or that longing feeling for that big project that's due on Monday, while you're at your son's T-Ball game?

Is it really possible to have it all? Can you have a great, STELLAR career and still make it to 4:00 PM T-Ball practice? You can.

I've written a book called Chief Executive Dad: How to Have a Stellar Career and Be a Great Dad at the Same Time.

This site is for its readers and for its potential readers. It's intended to give you simple strategies that are so common sensuously, you'll say, "duh." But I bet you don't do more than 10 percent of them.

I'll post links, thoughts and articles here for my readers. I'll also invite you to e-mail me your strategies.

What do you think? Ready for the challenge? We owe it to our kids to be there: physically and emotionally and we owe it to ourselves to have a successful career.

Thanks for visiting. Read on.