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Thursday, February 17, 2005


Supporting Mamma is Part of the Equation

This morning before I left for work, it became boldly apparent that my wonderful wife felt unsupported by her numb-skull husband-me. It seems through the course of writing a book, consulting with clients and refereeing Division I football, I had forgotten to focus on the pillar of our family-my wife. While I keep a good balance between all of my endeavors and my family-the "family" part typically focuses on my kids. I want to be there for them when they wake up and when they go to bed. I want them to see me at lunch time. I want to sit down with them at dinner every night. But in all the chaos, I forgot about the other "adult" in the house. The amount of work that she does and did at home, at our church, in our community and with her friends had gone un-praised, unnoticed and ignored by her so-called husband. Instead, my tendency turned toward helping her manage her chaos so she didn't feel so overwhelmed. Check this one out, ladies:

She (my wife): "It's so hard for me to get the kids ready to go to the YMCA, straighten the house and come back to prepare lunch."

My (so-called husband): "It's not that hard. Just make them pick stuff up before you leave."

Umpire: STRIKE THREE--------YOU'RE OUT!!!!!!

I missed it completely. What my wife wants (just ask Dr. John Gray) is for me to empathize with her and validate her feelings. What my bite sized caveman mind wants to do is FIX HER!...ME STUD-FIX WIFE...UGHH UGHH....(maybe I'll start dragging her around by her hair too...)

Guys, take this advice when you're looking for better balance between work and family: KEEP MAMMA HAPPY. WHEN MAMMA'S HAPPY-EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.

I challenge you to have a Fierce Conversation with your spouse about this. I bet you're missing more than you think. Bye for now.
"If momma aint happy, nobody is"...this was true when I was a child and even more so now that I am married and a father. I think as professional men get we get so caught up in loving, protecting and nurturing the "family" i.e. the children, that we forget that there is an adult that requires just as much if not more attention. Far too often we think of our wives as simply our "help-mate" and neglect our higher calling to not only be the spiritual head of the family but also be supportive, empathetic, and most importantly loving resources for them.

Good article...
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